Friday, January 23, 2015

On Mothering: Loneliness in motherhood and being INTENTIONAL about fixing it!


I expected and anticipated to feel a lot of things when I became a mom. I expected to love my baby more than life itself, I expected to be in awe of seeing my husband become a dad, I expected to be tired, I expected to feel overwhelmed at times, and I expected to feel so fulfilled in the role of a mother.  All of the above came true just like I thought, the roller-coaster of emotions that is motherhood included everything I expected to feel and more.

Something I didn't expect to feel was lonely.

I thought it would be the opposite. How can you feel lonely if you are constantly with another little human?

The days can be monotonous and long, my parents and in-laws live very far away (until recently), I don't have any friends with babies that live here in Provo and my husband works two jobs, long night shifts and sleeps and goes to school during the day. It can be lonely. I try to get out of the house and run errands or do something fun for Everett, I feel desperate calling my siblings (who are partying and living the college life) hoping they need something at Costco, just for the company!
I sometimes literally count down the minutes until Ben gets home and they can go by soooo slow.

I need to clarify and instill this though: I love being a mom. So many times during the day I will look at Everett and his cheeks will be droopy while he is concentrating, or he will make the cutest surprised face and my heart wants to burst and I don't care at all that on most days I have no social life or adult interaction. I love being a mom, and this post is not meant to be me complaining or telling you I am depressed, I just am just trying to be honest. I know I am not the only mom who feels this way at times.

The other day a close friend and her baby came over for an hour or so while they were in the area. Everett was napping so we just caught up and chatted for a bit. Talked about our kids and our husbands and our TV shows and how amazing being a mom is and how freaking hard it is and how our husbands just don't get it sometimes! It was only an hour and she left but I couldn't get over how refreshed I felt, how un-lonely I felt. Sometimes you just need to talk to another female, in the same life stage as you. I have felt this way before after a fun girls night out or even a half-hour alone at the mall. Refreshed!

So the point of this post it 'So what am I gonna do about it already?"

Well first of all I'm going to realize that this is a sacred season of life I am in. I am going to be a mom to young children for a while and then it will be gone. I am going to enjoy the time I am in now, the time where I am a provider, a comfort, a best friend to my child. I will get my alone time and girls nights and social life occasionally, but I know that in this season that it is not the most important thing. I want to enjoy these moments playing hide and seek for an hour straight or wandering the toy store on a night it's just us two. Although, loneliness may be in the back of my mind, this is a really really good and the best sacrifice I can make.

Secondly I am going to be more INTENTIONAL about it.

Intentional about leaving the house. Even if I have no desire to actually get out of our PJ's and go get in the freezing car, or interrupt this episode of Mickey Mouse, we are going to library story time gosh dangit! Because Everett and I are always happier after we get out and about around other humans.

Intentional about making plans with friends. When Everett was younger (post colic-because before that, that was just an impossible time to be intentional about anything) , I was so worried about naps and schedules and how much he hated his car seat that I really isolated myself and would cancel plans or rearrange schedules or turn down invites. After a while I realized Everett was perfectly fine being a half hour late for his nap if we were out having fun with friends or doing something at all stimulating. So instead of my first thought after a friend asks me to get together being 'how long will we have to drive?' or 'how late will Everett be for his nap?' I want to think 'Will Everett and I enjoy this?' 'YES!, we're in!'

Intentional about making new mom friends. I struggle with this one, why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? So many times I will see a mom at church or at the library and think 'I totally would get along with her, I want to be her friend' and then do absolutely nothing about it. The other day I met a mom at church and we small talked about our kids/apartments/husbands/greys anatomy etc. and then she said we should get together sometime and got my number and we scheduled a play date for this week, which I am totally looking forward to! It was that easy, I think most of us moms just all want to be friends and get together and have play dates, we're all thinking it but thank goodness this lovely mom did something about it. I have a new friend! I want to do that, I'm going to do that! So the next time I am sitting at the park and I overhear moms talking about Gilmore Girls and know we could be friends, I'm going to be intentional and I'm going to make conversation, get their numbers and talk about Luke Danes and baby bums and stuff! "do you want to come to my (kids) birthday party?"

More On Mothering Posts
Breastfeeding in Public, and that time I got called out.
24/7 Mom, it is our job to entertain our child every minute of the day?

Friday, January 16, 2015

FRIYAY

++ Well it's been a looooonggg week over here. Of the last 12 days, Ben has worked 10 of them. Between both of his jobs and school, we are lucky if we get to see him more than an hour a day. So I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself and TV binging after Everett goes to bed. I'm just gonna say it, Grey's anatomy, of course has a very special place in my heart, but The Good Wife and Parenthood are the best shows on TV and don't even get me started on the fact that this is Parenthood's last season (don't worry I'm part of a letter writing campaign) #Netflixpleasebuyparenthood

++I started another whole30, the same thing I did during the summer.  It's going pretty good so far except I have to take alternate routes home sometimes so I don't drive by Swig, and delete all the doughnut places I followed on instagram.  My advice for whole 30 if you are doing it or thinking of doing it is this MEAL PLAN, or else you're starving, lazy, feel like you have nothing to eat and then cheat. Also eat lots of apples, they make me feel so full, and don't sweat the small stuff like 1 tbsp. of soy sauce or something like that, it's not a big deal, don't buy all new weird ingredients.

++ OMG the Bachelor, we have to talk about it. So I really like Chris, I think he is a good down to earth guy and even though he has no upper lip, he is definitely attractive.  Well in order for me to continue to like Chris I keep having to tell myself that the producers are forcing him to do things like keep the psychopath that is Ashley S on another week,  and forcing him to keep his hoodie unzipped below his nips and take woodsy showers outside.

Of course, like the rest of America, I love Britt but I have this feeling something is going to go wrong #toogoodtobetrue.  I think I would like Whitney if her voice didn't make me want to hack my ears off. I also like Megan (despite the super weird helmet thing) and Jade (but she isn't getting much screen time) but my favorite is Kelsey (the widow with the rocking bod) she seems the most normal and sweet.

I do not like the 'crossfit is life' chick, the alien frizzy single mom, or the 'virgin' jasmine kardashian.
Guys, I know it's trash, but it is so freaking entertaining.  Ps- Ben pointed out that Ashley S. looks like a female version of Steve Carrell and now I can't unsee it.

++I know I am a little late to the bandwagon, but I am totally on now. The podcast Serial has gone major viral and is sooo addicting. If you live under a rock and haven't heard of it yet, go listen to the episodes (they are free) and decide for yourself whether he is innocent or guilty. I am only half way through but I think he is innocent. I really cannot imagine a fate worse than being put away for something you didn't do. It seems the internet is divided on whether he did it or not. SERIALsly go listen.

++I got Everett black play-doh for Christmas thinking I was being all hipster and stuff but it is kind of depressing making hearts and stuff out of black play-doh, also it get under his fingernails and it looks like he is homeless.  Speaking of playing with Everett, he is really incapable of independent play. I'm talking like won't even play for 30 seconds by himself during a day. Don't get me wrong, I love playing with him but I can't even make breakfast or put in a load of laundry while he entertains himself. He loves playing with his blocks or trains as long as I am literally touching him, he won't even play an ipad game or anything without me right next to him.  I know this is part of first child syndrome, but I am going a little crazy.  Any tips moms?

ANYWAYS cheers to the long weekend, Ben has it off and I feel like we need to take advantage and hit Vegas or something, we will probably just watch movies and vacuum and stuff! WOOHOO

1/52 2/52 3/52

So I debated doing the 52 project again this year, but I just love the collection I have from last year and I like taking pictures of Everett. If you are entirely sick of it, I am sorry, avoid these posts! Ben said I shouldn't do it again because I am setting unrealistic goals for our future children and he doens' want them to feel bad. I promised I will be this overbearing mom to all of our kids. So 'lets start at the very beginning....'

'a picture of my child, once a week, every week for a year'

1/52
Most likely his last free flight as he turns two soon, so probably his last flight.

2/52
Holy crap I love him.

3/52
a very rare moment of quiet.

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Twenty Fifteen, so fresh and so clean clean


I feel like the general consensus is that it's not cool or realistic to do new years resolutions anymore? Is that right? Because we all give them up in a month anyways? So everyone just picks like one word to focus on for the year or a general idea?

Well I can't help it, the first day of the new year is just too clean cut, too fresh of a start to not take stock and think about what I want from the upcoming year. It's like that first fresh page of a new notebook, which is basically office supply porn. So fresh, so clean.

So I've been thinking and talking with Ben about what I (and we) want in twenty-fifteen, things I want to start, things I want to finish, things I want to do- not resolutions per-se.......no no, they're definitely resolutions.

-Take a photography class
-Go on a kid free trip with Ben
-Eat less crap (start a whole 30 the second I get back to Utah)
-Cook at home more (4 times a week at least)
-Start thinking about baby #2 (!!!??!!)
-Start collecting pretty plates
-Make an income from home....somehow....
-Show Ben some more support
-Get a babysitter more often (once a week)
-Go to the temple more (once a month)
-Not have my moods depend on our bank account
-Teach Everett to be kind and more about church
-Keep this blog up and get more inspired and creative on this space

So there it is, 2015, holy crap that sounds futuristic!

Favorite photos of 2014


(This is mostly for my own records, you've been warned)

The end of the year calls for a good round up, here are my favorite pictures of 2014.
Get your scroll on.
I promised this is NARROWED DOWN!






 

































































 


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